Thursday, 21 May 2015

Wild girl, keep thinking of all those songs
Out there that you could fall in love with
Never go crazy about the playlist you have;
Wild girl, keep staring into and away from the mirror
You're most beautiful one day, most unbearable the next
Are you even the same person every day;
Wild girl, heal them when they pass you by
Cut them when they come too close
But dare you ask what you want of them;
Wild girl, go hide in your fantasies
Where the flowers have no bees, the sun does not burn
Look if you can find anything that matches the real world;
Wild girl, get scared of your darkened thoughts
Your sadness, your anger, your evil ways
Wonder if your smile and love is ever real;
Wild girl, don't ever let them tell you to change
Let them tell you but you tell them back
You love and hate at the same time,
You give and take together,
You smile and frown at once,
There will never be another like you
You, wild girl.

Friday, 15 May 2015

She sits there like a quiet wooden doll, a personal puppet
With her eyes cold and dry; the curve of her lips a straight line,
Sitting there in the clothes they gave her, now all she has to do
Is stay as quiet as possible and it would be over so soon;
They came in with their knives and cloth; heating the wax to a high degree
And spilt it on her skin, little by little; she hid the frown on her face
Ignored the chatter of thoughts inside her head; waited as they ripped
The cloth off her skin; ask if this was a part of her she wanted to save
Or would she rather be without? Too late, the decision had already been made
Before she could think all the things she can think now;
They bent her legs up and down, asked her to turn over,
The wax reached places other people were not allowed to touch
It was bad to feel pleasure there, but it was okay to get this hurt;
Closed her eyes to feel better; but all she felt was the movement of a
Puppet doll, now her arms are raised, the way they are after a winning
Cricket match; now they are sticking to her sides, all timid and closed;
Now she opens her hands and passes them forward; each part is
Dripped with wax; each part ripped apart; she can feel the sticky itch
As the wet towel runs over, offering comfort to the wounded body
It is amusing to think it would make her feel better; she tells
Herself that one fine day it will stop to hurt;
Till then she must sit quiet, she must bear
The cost of looking beautiful.

Wednesday, 6 May 2015

Every once in a while
I go about my day
Without wearing a bra
Beaming with joy
At this rarely felt freedom
Of fooling a tradition
I was taught to follow since eighth standard
When I learnt that
The blooming of my breasts
Is something to be hidden, tied
Lest they go wild
Lest they be wrongly eyed
Lest I enjoy the attention
Lest the girl loses her mind
Becomes a woman too soon.

But I am a woman now
I have already given away that
Which they fear
I will lose
I have let my head have
As less hair
As my soul could bare
And given my heart
To more (kinds of)
Men and women
Than my relatives would like.

I am woman now
I am no longer fooled
By fairytales
And the promises I’m offered
If I promise to behave
Their standards are a
Different type of ceiling
The kind that seems
Achievable at first
But keeps lifting
No matter how hard I try.

I am a woman now
And I have no intentions
To behave
To keep a glued smile
To be quiet
My bra will be there
But only when I will it to
I will be free.

Monday, 4 May 2015

Every time I want to tell you
The truth, you ask me
For a lie.

I want to say I did that because
I hated him in the moment and
Wanted nothing but revenge
Blood for blood
Pain for pain
Heart break for heart break
But what you want to hear
Is that it was a silly mistake
A misunderstanding
A miscommunication of words.

I want to tell you that I’m hurt
There is a needle in my heart
That pricks all day, I’m aware
Of it all the time, that
I don’t want to smile right now
Not today
But you ask for a smile
You want me to say
“I’m fine”

I want you to know that with
Him life is different now; we
Are on two unsimilar paths
And yes things were beautiful
When they were well
Now too much has changed
Including him and me
But you want to hear
That we will try
To be the same people again.

I want to tell you the truth
That sometimes forests burn
Flowers go dry; shores are
Washed away, roses prick; and
Crows are not secretly singing
profound songs; but all you want
Is to turn towards the sun
And close your eyes.